


Professional Griefers (A Journal)

by saturnstars



Series: A.L.I.V.E (Another's Living Innocence Viewed Explicitly) [1]
Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7009039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnstars/pseuds/saturnstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keep yourself alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Element 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my friends that keep me alive although i hate you a lot sometimes](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+friends+that+keep+me+alive+although+i+hate+you+a+lot+sometimes).



> This is a non-ficitonal journal sort of thing. There are trigger warnings for almost every Element and I do not plan on putting the specific ones' on until I have finished this so view at your own risk.

It was near the end of January and in the middle of Christmas break when I hit it. Rock bottom- well, for at least a while. It's a few months later and I'm better yet worse all at the same time. I've decided to write this because I know many people going through similar situations and I know how it feels but they won't ever believe me and it takes too many words to put into a small conversation or argument when you don't have enough time.  
It was always something different-something stupid is something they all had in common. Although we sometimes want to defend something that we once found to be our only friend, there comes a time to let it go in any possible case. But, this particular time was a little strange because there was no reason. I just plain wanted to be sad and I've found that it's easier to be that way, that it's easier to want something so simple because it comes easier. Most of the time, something needs to really break you down and when you just decide that you want something, it sometimes comes much easier than expected. I remember that this night was right before Christmas and I was watching 'Life on the Murder Scene', by My Chemical Romance and whoever published it. I was watching that, drinking water, crying, and talking to a old friend, Stu. He was always someone I went to when I was down because I knew that he had been through it too and that he knew how to deal with it. It really helps when someone knows how to comfort someone else and help them instead of yelling and getting into arguments about it. I didn't have any "real life" friends at that time and it would be a while until I had one. Anyway, I was just sitting there and I thought I was slowly dying and that I wouldn't have to do anything about it, that it'd just come. It was very nice at the time because then I wouldn't have to be classified as "suicidal." I honestly don't know how I made it through that night. It was the worst I've ever been and hopefully ever will be.  
So, friends, I know what you might be going through. I know that you think that the world would be a better place without you. I honestly still feel that way but I try to think that one day maybe I will mean something more to myself and I look forward to the day I do. I know that you might think that this is just another stupid inspirational story. And guess what- it sort of is. I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone and that i know what you might be going through and that I don't know how to make you smile, laugh, but I know how to listen and tell. I can tell you and ask you questions and you can ask me questions.


	2. Element 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big trigger warnings but probably too many to list so be careful.

Hello. This is just some context about me and what I am and my views and all that. There will be mentions of mental illnesses and other things like that.

Hi, I am James/Bucky and some others know me as Ian. I am a agender-transgender guy that's pansexual. I'm quite insecure about my age and body and all that so I'm not going to talk about that in here. Anyway, most of these stories are/based on real life or me. Nathan and those people are real people. James is a real person. What's exactly happening is way too happy and exaggerated for what actually is happening. I'm still trying to become friends with them and it's not going too well but I'm trying.

I wanted to mention mental illness because a lot of that goes into these and they are a big part of it. Mental illness is not good, keep that in mind, but I really influenced myself and just let myself stay exposed to it and I still am so I'm not the best I've ever been. I'm actually the worst. Anyway, I just started going to a counselor and doctor and all that for this sort of thing and I'm quite close to being diagnosed with depression and schizoaffective disorder. These obviously give me a lot of problems and all. I do have "imaginary" friends as people put it but I mean, to me, they aren't imaginary. Those guys will be appearing a lot in different things too. I have a lot of problems that are also physical and stuff that cause me more problems. I just wanted to make this so that some of you would sortof understand what I'm talking about. Thanks.


End file.
